Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Season 11 Begins Tonight - Leave Your Humanity at the Door!

I'm Alright. Gopher

Dawgs! Dawgs, I've missed you! How's life? Any new developments? Has reality TV withdrawal struck yet? There's a Randy Jackson-sized hole in your hearts, isn't there? That's a seriously big hole, by the way. Better get that checked out by a doctor. Do you like my new digs? Goodbye, Livejournal - Hello, Blogger! This site is a little easier to use and more accessible, so I hope you like it.
I'm strangely unprepared for this season of Idol. This is my 5th year (holy crap!) of recapping, and I think age is setting in. I woke up this morning and thought, "Yowsers! Idol starts tonight, and I have nothing, absolutely nothing, to prove that I'm ready for it! This must be how Ryan Seacrest feels when the telecast goes way over time." Wasn't it just yesterday that I covered the hoe-down - er, showdown (same difference) - between Scotty McCreery and his nuts of wonder and Lauren freakin' Alaina and her yards of pink taffetta? Time is a tricky thing, Dawgs.

So let's discuss my goals for the 11th season of American Idol. A whole decade has passed, I'm cursed with fatigue, and goals are definitely in order.
  1. Increase our community - I have a legion of dedicated readers who tune into my recaps every season. You've seen me at my highest (the fabulous joy of Season 8) and my lowest (Season 9's disastrous semifinal rounds). But I want more people on here. They don't even have to like Idol. Hell, sometimes I despise the show beyond comprehension. The more people who read, the more motivated I feel to keep up on my recaps. So if you have a friend with a long lunch break or a deep-seated desire to spend long portions of their evenings with a beverage of choice reading about singing competitions, send her here! No invitations required!
  2. Create a dialogue - You're more than welcome to leave comments, Dawgs. You can write long-winded paragraphs on my bad musical taste and utter wrongness concerning all things Idol, if that's what floats your boat. Really. I don't mind. Just make sure to come with a sense of humor. Last year, I had a few dedicated commenters, but I want more. Call me selfish, but I do.
  3. Have a jolly good time - My favorite part of the Idol season is when it dips into unforeseen levels of the absurd. This usually happens during Hollywood Week and the semi-finals, when the entire outfit loses its bananas. Returning to Idol is like returning to your own bed after a long vacation. There's something oddly comforting about the shenanigans. I can't explain why I like it. I just do. It's very possible that I (and the general American public) have a personality disorder in which watching awful people be awful and good people have their dreams turned inside out seems obscenely fun. I never said I was a good person, Dawgs. But let's remember that last year, Santa brought me a new heart. It's rusted a bit in 12 months, most of the damage brought on by the Country Music nightmare that was last season, but it's still beating.
The best thing about this new season is my new theme! Last year, I referenced the heck out of The Wizard of Oz in celebration of my new heart. It was a good time, but now I must move on to ...

The Princess Bride Poster
The Princess Bride: A celebration of parody and overused fairy tale tropes. This must somehow be relevant to Idol. It must be. Also: I realized last night that I can quote almost every character in the movie.

And what better way to start off the season than to picspam the living daylights out of this new blog with Season 11's Cast of Characters? (More characters to be assigned during the season.)

Randy "Dawg" Jackson as the rhyming giant Fezzik

"I just want you to feel you're doing well." -Fezzik
Photo Link

Uncle Steven Tyler as the swashbuckling Inigo Montoya

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." -Inigo Montoya
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Jennifer Lopez as the vapid but moderately good-hearted Princess Buttercup

"You can die, too, for all I care." -Buttercup
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Ryan Seacrest as bumbling and short villain Vizzini

"Inconceivable!" -Vizzini
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And featuring Me as The Ancient Booer

"Boo! Booooooo! Boooooooooo!" -The Ancient Booer
She's actually quite pretty in the appropriate lighting.

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